1 week postpartum

It's been over a week with Damon here outside the womb. The adjustment of having another life to watch after has been easy. Both me and Adam have felt as though we've had him here with us all along. It's kind of a weird feeling. In the hospital, Damon had a little bit of a struggle latching while breastfeeding, but we got to the point that I could eventually get him latched without help. We ended up holding off on getting him circumsized in hopes that he'd learn to breastfeed better without that disruption. We had our pediatrician do it the Monday after he was born. So he was 5 days old. Everything went well and he's recovering well.  It doesn't seem to have phased him much at all. The first night home- trying to feed him was a struggle. It's been a learning experience for both of us, but we've figured out how to manage in the meantime while we become pros! I won't lie. There was a while where I felt so frustrated that I was in tears because I felt so helpless. Being the mother of a child that is so dependent on you for life and comfort is a lot of pressure. So,  when he was not latching and was obviously starving,  he became frustrated too..making it harder for him to latch even more. Plus then there was me- frustrated and emotional.. and he could feel that. Anyway, that moment passed. Adam gave him a blessing which seemed to help. It was actually a pretty awesome experience.  Damon was screaming his head off until the blessing..Then he stopped as soon as it started. Then there I was, still bawling my eyes out. I honestly believe that infants can't talk right away because the veil is thinner for them. Having a priesthood blessing was something so familiar to him that it took his fears away. I honestly believe that. It sort of made me feel silly because I couldn't stop crying and then my 2 day old baby had it under control. After the blessing, we ended up calling the hospital to see what they suggest and the lady on the phone told us that it had been too long since he pooped and that he was literally starving. She then told us that we need to get formula to supplement with so that he can eat. So Adam went to the store at like 1am. I always had my mind made up that formula would be LAST resort and that I wanted to breastfeed if at all possible. But having that to fall back on has been a blessing and has helped me stay sane. We have gradually been using it less and less since then which means we're getting better at breastfeeding. Wahoo! Another thing besides latching that has been tough with breastfeeding is feeding on my right boob. The left side is so much easier and he latches so much quicker.  Today was actually the first day I was able to get him to latch on that side without having to hold him football style. Breastfeeding is not as easy as it sounds, but it's doable. Haha it's becoming so much easier already, but the first couple days home were spent in our bedroom all day. Now that I think if it.. as soon as my milk came in, it made a world of a difference!  The milk came in full force on Sunday. So that's 4 days after birth. The colostrum is in such short supply that when the milk comes in, it's totally different. Or at least that's how it's been for me.
Right now, Damon sleeps normally been 2-5 hours at a time. The first night home, he slept in between us on our bed. It wasn't bad, but I imagined it being easier to nurse laying down. So anyway,  the next couple nights, he slept in this bassinet thing that we got. It was easier to sleep, but was a pain to have to get him out of it multiple times in the night to feed. So the last couple nights, he slept on me and the boppy around my belly. It has made it easier to sleep while he eats and whatnot. Every time he wakes, he's hungry. I had always thought that there would be time spent where they are awake and of in lala land or staring into space. There's hardly any of that yet. He hates his hiccups.. which come at least once per day. Usually gets him real mad and he has a harder time latching when he's frustrated.
Adam went back to work on Tuesday..a half day. Starting Wednesday, he's been back full time. I've managed pretty well by myself so far. The hardest thing about everything now is finding time to feed myself. My mom has made meals for me while Adam has been gone which has been super helpful. I have a hard time trying to fix something while I'm trying to hold him or watch him because I don't want to wake him or make him mad. 
He's been an angel throughout everything so far.  I just feel bad that he has to be my guinea pig in figuring out how to be a mother. I use to tease Adam on how awkward he was holding babies before Damon was born. I'm not sure when it happened, but he's become a natural!  I'm super grateful for him and all he does for us.
Starting out at 7lb 14oz..he ended up weighing 7lb even at the pediatrician 2 days after birth. 3 days later at the circumcision,  7lb 11oz. So as far as I know,  that's normal. The pediatrician told us also that the person that told us over the phone that he was starving and hadn't pooped enough was full of crap. I don't know who told us that. Maybe it was just some receptionist who thought they knew what they were talking about. But our doctor prettymuch just told us that we're doing fine and that we can supplement with formula if we want,  but to ignore everything the hospital told us over the phone. That was reassuring. So we do still supplement at times.. sparingly. I have been pumping (yay insurance for covering that! ) as well so I usually just try to give him that if we're going to bottle feed. I was worried that using a bottle would make him lazy in latching to me, but I haven't noticed. If anything he's progressed in breastfeeding so I'm happy!
How am I feeling?  I have felt surprisingly good! This whole experience has physically been a lot easier than I had expected. My body is healing quickly and I haven't been overly sore either. We actually went to sacrament meeting (stayed in the lobby)and people kept telling us we were crazy for being out and about so quickly. I just felt that if i can walk around the house and sit around  the house, I can sit through at least 1 hour of church. Damon slept through the whole thing too! The only thing that I was worried about was him waking up and wanting to eat and us having issues breastfeeding would be 10x harder in public. But he was a champ!  I've found that as soon as I relax and just go with things, it's been a lot smoother and stress free.
A couple things that are my favorite so far..
-gas smiles
-his soft skin and hair. Rubbing his scalp seems to soothe him and I love that.

Induction & delivery

Well,  I'm happy to say that the baby is here and healthy! Before we start on that,  here's how it went down.

As I mentioned before, I was originally set for induction at 9pm on 10/13. We got phone call a few hours before hand telling us to call at 9 to see how full they were.  We did and they said to head down there. I was freaking out inside.  Felt like I could poop my pants. That didn't happen- no worries!  We were already out and about for my sister in laws birthday party around 9. So I decided to participate in bowling since I was suppose to be induced anyway.  I must say,  I didn't feel it have any effect on my body. I guess that could be a good thing!  When we got to the hospital,  we had to re-preregister because when I did it online, it hadn't uploaded yet. So that took a few minutes and then we were sent to our room. She started by having me get in the gown and did some ending of information on the computer. Our nurse ended up being someone that Adam knew her husband from highschool.  Small world. I was able to receive a priesthood blessing from Adam, too - which I am super grateful for. The IV application was heck. My veins are bad and I told them that. The first person to attempt to find a vein that works was our nurse.  That one ended up hurting the most.. not sure why.  It was in my arm close to my wrist, but not on it. So after that,  some other "legit" vein finding nurse came to try. Same spot on the other arm. I tried telling them every time that my veins suck,  but that the top of my hands work best. No one wanted to try. So the second attempt failed. They then called some other legit guy to come in with an ultrasounds machine to locate and pick the best vein. He had to leave because he was on call for high risk patients or something.  So that added another 30 minutes of delay.  When he got back, he did find a vein. It ended up being on my arm and close to where the other attempt was made, but closer to the elbow. So ya, that's the IV fun.  After that, they did some more computer stuff and checked my cervix. The last time it was checked was the 6th at the OB appointment and it was at a 1.. not sure of effacement. This time,  1.5 and 50% effaced. So,  the pitocin was given around 10:45pm. I didn't feel much of an effect until around 1am. The contractions were regular. By that,  I mean about 5 minutes apart. They gradually got stronger/more painful as the night went on. The contractions were similar to pains I've felt before. Specifically, it reminded me of the nice pain that I had in my back which we weren't sure what it was.. but this time in my lower stomach and back. So I refuse to believe that initial back pain from a week ago wasn't a contraction. I AM NOT A WUSS. Haha. Anyway, so I didn't sleep that night. I went in with hopes that the pains would be mild enough to get a decent nights rest.  Ha, what a joke! Every time my body would relax, on came a contraction. I heard from other people that the pitocin makes contractions feel worse, but then I also heard the other end of the stick. You just never know till you're there experiencing whatever your body decides to do. I told the nurse that as far as pain goes..on a scale of 1-10, i would like to only tolerate up to a 4. By 3am, I kept going back and forth about asking for the epidural. Every contraction, I'd mentally be like.. ok, this is the last one and then I'm pushing the nurses button. Then as soon as it stopped, I would think, ok.. I  can do one more. Haha it was a battle. I also expected the nurse to ask me what number I'm at while shes helping me get to the bathroom or whatever, but she didn't until several visits. She looked at me surprised that I already felt that level of pain. It kind of made me feel dumb or like a wuss by her reaction. I don't think she meant to at all.. but I was going on no sleep, crazy hormones,  and pain. So at 7am is when I  could order breakfast. I had that thought  in mind the whole night because I wouldn't be allowed to eat after the epidural. So after that point came, it was the end of my nurses shift and so she was introducing the new nurse and I just broke down in tears because I was in all the pain and super sleep deprived. What a good first impression for the new nurse! I had held it together for so long so when it came out, it REALLY came out. It was like that gasping for air type cry where you can't talk because you can't even breathe. I had like no appetite and the room service takes like 45 minutes to deliver so I just settled for the nurse getting me some toast. So after I finally caught my breath, we got the epidural request in. We checked the cervix and it made it to a 3 at that point.. 100% effaced. So maybe a half hour later the epidural guy came in. After hearing horror stories about the epidural, I was a little bit scared of the unknown. Plus, with me being already worked up from the pain and no sleep, it was just overwhelming. I was shaking from it all. Mostly in fear, but I'm sure other things took a toll also. The numbness took effect on my legs kind of weirdly. They both eventually went numb, but my left leg was first and more numb. There's no feeling like having half of your body numb like that. I wasn't a huge fan,  but it beat contractions by a landslide. I received the epidural around 7:35am. And from there,  I was trying to sleep as much as I could, but I honestly probably only slept for like 30 minutes over a couple hour period. I was so out of it and my body was exhausted. I was shaking even more than when I received the epidural..and continuously. We started pushing (with the nurses help) around 12:30pm.. maybe like 3 sets of 3 pushes or so. Then when the doctor arrived, we pushed a few more times, got an episiotomy, and there he was!  It was kind if weird sitting there while she was stitching me back together. I could feel my skin pulling, but no pain. Another thing that was super weird was pulling my legs up into position to push because I couldn't feel my legs so it was like lifting a dead person! I had like 3 people helping to lift my legs into place. It's a pretty helpless feeling. He was born weighing 7lbs 14oz at 1:34pm.

2 days after delivery..

Height- 20.25in (74%)
Weight-7lb 7oz (46%)
Head Circumference-35cm (61%)

5 days after delivery..

Height- not recorded
Weight-7lb 10oz (44%)
Head Circumference-not recorded


That is less than I weighed when I was born and actually close to Adams birth weight. So the ultrasounds were wrong in saying that he would be closer to 9lbs. NOT complaining.  And yes,  I was only pushing for about an hour. From the time of the pitocin till he was delivered was about 13 hours.. or 6 hours from the time I received the epidural.  The actual pushing part of the delivery was the easiest part.  With how well it went,  I can see myself doing that a few times easily. I was worried that because I had such an easy pregnancy that I would be punished with a hard delivery.  Ya, the contractions suck, but you get to choose when you get the epidural!  It's up to YOU how much you want to feel! I'm so grateful for the help and support we have had preparing for his arrival. Without further adieu...

Damon Isaac Brown!

39 weeks - Tuesday, October 13, 2015

Well, it's induction day! Yesterday was my last day of work which was super weird.  Today has been spent literally packing a bag and doing some last minute grocery shopping. I feel like I am forgetting something and that they should be more to do, but today has actually been  super slow and uneventful.  I have felt a mixture of emotions. At this point I feel like I am just mostly freaked out by the unknown. I have the type of personality that I don't let myself stress about things or let things get to me which causes me to have moments of freaking out when things get super close.  It's a problem.  It's kind of weird too, because whenever I express my fears to anyone, I get frustrated when people tell me that it'll be ok because you really just don't know. You could say I'm a pessimist. It was super weird last night laying in bed thinking about how it was going to be the last time that we get to sleep in our own bed without the baby. Luckily, I actually slept well. I had hoped to sneak in a nap sometime today, but that hasn't happened yet. The induction is till later tonight. We were told 9pm, but to call about 1 hour ahead to make sure there is room. Well, we already got a call from the hospital and she said they are busy and that we should call at 9 to see what it looks like. So we don't really know when we'll end up there. In the mean time, our bags are packed and we're just twiddling our thumbs pretty much. It's my sister in law- Chandras birthday today so we might go spend time celebrating with them. Who knows, maybe they'll tell us that we can stay home and sleep in our own beds tonight and just wake up early. That would be preferred, but whatever happens, happens! I have felt good the past couple days. The only thing I've noticed is pressure down on my pubic bone area. I have felt better today and yesterday than I felt on friday and saturday though! I was having some legit contractions at that point, but they went away. I hope I'm not digressing. That would be a bummer. It's kind of silly- which things are making me nervous. I'm most scared for the epidural application. Needles freak the heck out of me and the fact that it's a huge needle going into my spine is not my idea of fun. The IV also freaks me out. Lastly, the pains that I'll feel. I don't know what to expect and the idea of my body doing things I cannot control is freaky. Once that epidural is in, I feel like it will be a smooth ride. That is, till it wears off. Then I'll feel it. Anyway, I'm going to try my best to not think about any of it so I don't have an anxiety attack now. 

38 weeks 5 days - Sunday, October 11, 2015

So this weekend being the last weekend before the induction,  I have been trying to do all the last minute preparations so that we're ready to go on time. I got Adam some snacks for the hospital, got a couple nursing bras, a cheap underware that I can ruin, did my hair, started the breast pump order, and did the hospital pregistry. So after all that, I THINK  we're ready.  While I was at walmart taking care of some of that stuff, I  started having some contractions.  I'm sure I looked like a cripple waddling all slowly through the store, but eventually the pains stopped. Then, while me and Adam were at a movie last night (the martian- incase you were wondering), I started getting those pains again.  I hesitate to call them contractions because what I've thought were contractions before, may not have been.  So anyway, they seemed to be happening fairly regularly.. which was freaking me out. I decided to try to go to the bathroom to see if that would relieve some pressure and out comes a quarter sized brown goopy thing!  I know, sounds yummy. ;) After mentally freaking out the rest of the movie, I finally looked online to see if what I had passed could have been the mucus plug.  Aaaaand I'm about 90% sure it was.  So ya,  the pains kept coming. I did notice that most of the pains were following a big movement from the baby. So I think some of them were just him pulling things around or something.. causing sharp pains for me.  I did notice, however, some that my stomach just got super hard for and lasted closer to 30 seconds to a minute long.  Those were most likely contractions if any were.  I kept wondering why sitting at a movie would cause things to spike like that.  Well, having GD, popcorn probably wasn't the best idea. And me and Adam shared a small popcorn! So maybe he just got hyper enough to push out the mucus plug and give me some contractions and other pains along the way. The pains continued all the way home and even after getting into bed!  I was starting to get worried that maybe he decided he wanted to come out on his own. Eventually I fell asleep,  so I guess the pains stopped.  Once he settled down,  then I think my body calmed down. I was reading some of the info that my dr gave me and based off the fact that the pains were mainly just lower front pelvic pains and that they would lessen or go away with walking or changing positions,  they were prelabor pains.  So, not the real thing. Glad I didn't call my dr and bug her. Another thing that concerned me was that the mucus plug came out and I didn't know what that meant or what to expect.  I read that it can vary between people.  It can send you into labor a couple hours after or it could take a week!  And sometimes your body will develop a new mucus plug.  Haha!  So basically I just have to pay attention to my body and wait it out.  I feel fine now that I've slept and the pains left.  I'll be sure to keep anything else exciting coming.

38 weeks 2 days - Thursday, October 8, 2015

So, I'm going to be updating more often than weekly now. Here's why. I had my 38 week OBGYN appointment today. She did the pelvic check like she did last week. It wasn't quite as painful as the last time.. probably because I was more dilated. Not much, but 1cm. Hey, it's something! I guess with the babies growth, she does not want me to go past 40 weeks. So, she went ahead and scheduled an induction for 39 weeks  (10/13/2015) at night. So, by the time we check in, get set up, induced, wait around for a while, it'll probably be the 14th by the time he's born. So, that's about a week before the due date. Wasn't expecting it since I've felt so good and that I hadn't dialated yet. She felt all the way up and touched his head! Ouch. Baha! I'm not really sure if she stripped my membranes this time or not. She didn't ask if she could or tell me she was, but she did do some sort of circular motion while up there. She told me that I will most likely bleed for up to a week.. but very lightly. I am pretty sure I stopped bleeding about 10 min after. It was not that bad though. Anyway, so after the OB appointment, I went to the 38 week growth ultrasound and everything looks good, but he's already over 8lbs. So, being that he'll add about 1/2lb per week, we're guessing he'll be close to 9lbs. He's a big boy! We will see how accurate their measurements are, but I wouldn't be surprised if he's big.  I also talked to my OB about the back pain I had this last week. When I told her it was just in my back, she told me it was probably just a muscle spasm. Way to make me feel like a wuss! Haha but when I mentioned it to the ultrasound tech, she thought it sounded like a contraction. So, who knows! He is facing the right direction, so I guess back labor is out of the question. I also passed the strep b test, so that's a relief. We'll see what happens the next few days! Lots of last minute preparations to do.

38 weeks - Tuesday, October 6, 2015

At the last doctors appointment (OBGYN), they did the first pelvic check. I was expecting something along the lines of feeling like a pap smear. Ya, news flash.. it's worse than that.  Holy heck I wasn't expecting that! Apparently I was so tight and closed up that they couldn't even get deep enough to feel the cervix. So they just assumed I'm not dilated at all. Haha! That was last week. They will do the pelvic check every time now. Glad I don't have much longer till the due date. At this next appointment I want to talk to her about setting an induction date for the following weekend after the due date (24th). That way we don't go too far past the due date and can avoid having a massive baby. We also have one more ultrasound this week.  So we'll see how big he is now, but hopefully not getting too big. I have noticed an increase in cramping. I don't know if it's just because my clothes are cutting into my belly and making things cramp or what,  but it has gotten stronger and more common. I have felt some pressure down "there" but not very often. Hopefully that's my body dilating. I just wish I didn't have to wear pants anymore. Haha not only because of the cramping, but because it itches on my stretch marks.  Some people luck out and don't get stretch marks. Ya, I'm not one of those chosen people. I have some pretty intense ones on my lower belly. I have some on my love handles, butt, boobs (yay growth!), and even my legs by my knees! Super weird area, but it's not as dark as my other ones. I've been using some stretch mark cream that I bought off Amazon, but I haven't noticed any fading yet. It may have prevented more, but it's not doing anything to the ones I have.  I don't know that any cream would be able to do that, but if you know of one, comment below! 


UPDATE:
Today while I was at work, I went to the bathroom before I was about to leave for lunch and felt probably the most intense pain I've felt this entire pregnancy. That's not hard to beat considering that I've had such a easy pregnancy, but holy heck. Whenever I've felt pain before, it's been usually really low on my belly and it's just for a couple seconds and I rarely feel any hardening on my stomach. This time while I was sitting down on the toilet, I got some super sharp intense back pain on my lower left side. I had shortness of breath and started feeling nauseous and light-headed as well. It lasted a good 5 minutes or so by the time it faded away completely. I made sure to record the time it happened in my phone just incase there are any more that come afterward. When I spoke to my doctor last, she told me that the contractions need to be about 5 minutes apart for about an hour before I should go to the hospital. So I wanted to make sure I could look back at what time they happen. I let Adam know just incase things escalated as well. It's been an hour since that happened and I feel normal now. So, I guess I'll just have to pay attention to what happens from here on out. My next doctors appointment is on Thursday so hopefully I make it that far. I really don't want to go into labor while I'm at work because my work is like an hour away from the hospital. That ride does NOT sound pleasant. When I've spoken to some people about what contractions feel like, they made it seem like your worst period cramp. I've gotta say.. I've NEVER felt a period cramp like that. Haha! I feel like I have a high pain tolerance too. I rarely have bad cramps while I'm on my period either. So anyways, I'm sure things will be more exciting now that we experienced that. My body must be getting ready whether that was braxton hicks contractions or if it was a legit contraction. It caught me off guard.. that's for sure!